Education

Finding Biological Family at 50 Transforms Author's Understanding of Identity

Oct 17, 2025
By, Donna Pope

Roderick Edwards spent the first four years of his life as a nameless infant. Born premature with multiple birth defects, his frightened mother left him at the hospital without even giving him a name. Between medical treatments and foster placements, he waited for someone to claim him as their own.

When adoption finally came at age four, Roderick's first memory was meeting his prospective parents at a park. He jumped off the side of a slide rather than going down it, having never experienced playground equipment during his hospital years. That moment of fear and uncertainty foreshadowed a childhood marked by disconnection, even within his new family.

In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Roderick Edwards, author of over 50 books including the adoption memoir "Together More: Rejection and Reunion." Roderick brings unflinching honesty to discussions about adoptee identity, late reunion, and the concept he calls "adoptee amnesia." His story demonstrates that finding biological family at any age can provide healing while also creating unexpected complications requiring courage to navigate.

When Adoption Ends in Divorce

Roderick's adoption lasted only three years before his adoptive parents divorced when he was seven. He remained with his adoptive mother while his father eventually took both older sisters. Two more biological children followed, making Roderick the only adoptee in a household struggling financially and emotionally.

He describes this period as characterized by neglect rather than abuse, with parents too preoccupied with marital dissolution to provide attentive care. Strange memory gaps appeared in his childhood, with few clear recollections between ages seven and ten except for hospital visits for suspected muscle deterioration that proved unfounded.

This double disconnection from unknown biological origins and from a fractured adoptive family shaped what Roderick calls his "outsider perspective." He learned to observe life from emotional distance, a protective mechanism that later served his writing career but left him feeling fundamentally alone during formative years.

The National Survey of Adoptive Parents found that 86 percent of adoptive parents report their relationship with their child met or exceeded expectations, suggesting Roderick's experience of early divorce and subsequent neglect represents the unfortunate minority rather than typical adoption outcomes.

Living With Adoptee Amnesia

Roderick introduces a concept he calls "adoptee amnesia," the necessity of filling identity gaps with self-created narratives when biological history remains unknown. Without information about heritage, medical background, or family patterns, adoptees construct stories about who they might be based on physical characteristics and imaginative speculation.

For decades, Roderick has created his own origin story. He speculated that his prominent lips might indicate significant African-American heritage. He invented explanations for personality traits whose actual sources remained mysterious. This constructed identity became the foundation for his adult life. His career, relationships, and self-concept were built partly on imagination rather than fact.

Indiana maintained restrictive adoption laws until 2016-2017. When legislation finally changed, Roderick immediately requested his records. This time, instead of minimal details, he received his birth mother's name and location. Using his professional data analysis skills, he located family members through Facebook within days.

His half-sister delivered shocking news: the family believed he had died at the hospital or lived institutionalized with severe disabilities. They never knew he'd been adopted and lived successfully in the same state. She also revealed another adoption placement, a full biological sister nobody could locate.

DNA testing eventually proved that Roderick and this newly found sister were the only two siblings sharing both the same mother and father. This complete genetic connection strengthened their bond beyond relationships with half-siblings who shared only one biological parent.

When Reunion Disrupts Everything

The reunion at age 50 created seismic shifts in Roderick's established life. What began as satisfying curiosity evolved into an all-consuming focus affecting his work concentration, marriage, and sense of self. He describes feeling magnetically pulled toward his newfound biological family in ways that created unbearable tension with existing commitments.

Research shows that adoptees and biologically-reared individuals demonstrate similar rates of marriage and marital satisfaction, suggesting adoption status itself doesn't predict relationship success. However, late reunion can create unique challenges when adoptees suddenly question the constructed identity upon which they built their marriages and careers.

Roderick eventually moved to Florida to live with his full biological sister, a decision that strained his marriage and relationship with his biological daughter. He acknowledges this choice appears incomprehensible to people outside the adoption experience who cannot understand the magnetic pull toward genetic connection after decades of disconnection.

His daughter, raised to see loving parents without visible conflict, struggled to process the separation. Despite ongoing contact, she maintains emotional distance years later, unable to reconcile the father she knew with the choices he made after reunion.

Purpose Over Bitterness

Roderick takes controversial positions within the adoption community, particularly regarding theories that all adoptees carry trauma from separation. He argues these narratives create self-fulfilling prophecies where adoptees who might otherwise adapt successfully instead internalize victim-hood that prevents moving forward productively.

His deterministic philosophy emphasizes finding purpose in circumstances rather than dwelling on perceived injustices. He acknowledges that abandonment at birth, multiple medical challenges, brief adoption followed by parental divorce, and subsequent neglect could justify anger. Instead, he views these experiences as shaping his unique perspective and enabling his prolific writing career.

Research indicates that adoptees in open adoptions tend to have higher self-esteem and better mental health outcomes than adoptees in closed adoptions, suggesting that information access rather than adoption itself creates better outcomes. Roderick's experience supports this finding, as his reunion provided missing pieces that reduced rather than increased distress about his origins.

Roderick processed his reunion primarily through writing rather than traditional counseling. He views writing as providing permanent records that prevent revisionist memory while forcing coherent narrative construction. The cathartic value extends to his entire lifestyle, including chicken farming, gardening, and cultivating exotic plants, all serving the same therapeutic function in his systematic approach to emotional processing.

Guidance for Families

Roderick offers clear recommendations for adoptive parents based on his personal experience and interactions with other adoptees:

Begin discussions early - Start talking about adoption before children remember "the talk"
Practice progressive honesty - Add details as children mature emotionally rather than withholding permanently
Maintain complete transparency - Avoid hiding known information such as biological parent names
Prepare for reunion - Expect that adult adoptees may seek biological connections regardless of positive adoptive experiences
Love intentionally - Adoptees need reassurance to overcome inherent uncertainty about their place in adoptive families

He particularly emphasizes the damage caused by withholding known information. His half-sister's adoptive parents knew her biological parents' identities but concealed this even when she pursued a false reunion with wrong individuals, a deception Roderick views as nearly unforgivable.

For spouses of adoptees, Roderick warns about inherent instability when one partner has constructed identity based on imagination rather than fact. Reunion can trigger dramatic personality shifts even without meeting biological relatives, as simply learning the truth about origins can destabilize established self-concept and relationship patterns.

Roderick strongly emphasizes that adoptees must prepare emotionally for potentially devastating search outcomes. Discovery might reveal origins in rape or incest; biological families may reject reunion attempts, or biological parents may prove disappointing. Without emotional preparation, such revelations can cause psychological damage requiring extensive professional intervention.

Finding Meaning in Complex Stories

Roderick Edwards' journey from abandoned premature infant to reunited adult author demonstrates that late reunion provides healing while creating unexpected complications. His experience emphasizes the importance of early honest communication about adoption, realistic preparation for search outcomes, and intentional emotional processing.

His writing provides direct, unfiltered perspectives that some readers find uncomfortable but others recognize as validating their own complex experiences. By refusing to conform to either pro-adoption or anti-adoption narratives, Roderick occupies middle ground acknowledging both positive and negative aspects without demanding universal conclusions.

His overarching message remains clear: adoptees can choose purpose over bitterness regardless of circumstances. The disconnection he experienced throughout childhood provided the outsider perspective that served him well as an author and analyst. Even his most painful experiences contributed to valuable skills and perspectives, proving that meaning can emerge from suffering when approached with intentionality.

Ready to explore more diverse adoption reunion stories and complex identity questions? Subscribe to Voices of Adoption podcast for honest conversations about adoption experiences that resist simple categorization and honor individual truth-telling.

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